Who

Last semester we talked a lot about places and, more specifically, the "where" of each individual. However, the locations a person hold dear to his heart doesn't tell but a fraction of his story. I guess the real question, "Who are we?" is far too broad and philosophical to be phrased up in a few short paragraphs, and the parts of ourselves we are proud of get flaunted, whereas the parts that we are ashamed of get hidden. I'm certain that in this blog a person can find many good things to say about me or my writing, but if we are truly dualistic people the good only tells half the story.

This is an exercise in being center-seeking. This is also a truest test of bias, one I would imagine everyone fails. Anyone can cheat on a test like this by simply being far too vague with faults that every individual has to some extent. However, you can't expect someone to divulge every one of their secrets to an anonymous crowd. Accurate or not, it remains an interesting test.

To be honest, I consider myself a distrusting person. Some people do not consider this a fault, but it tends to have big impacts on relationships, even those that have been going for three years. To an extent, a certain amount of distrust is a very good thing. We are surrounded day-in and out by those who would lie, cheat, and swindle their way in order to grasp hold our strings as though we were marionettes. My lack of trust though, eliminate any pretense of hype or excitement for the future on most occasions, and oftentimes that leads to a dull and sad point of view.

I'm a struggling Christian. I know what I believe, but committing to the idea and being the person I feel I should be has proven very difficult. It's like I'm at the bottom of a well and someone threw me a rope. That's good news, but now I have to climb it.

There are very few who can trigger a response via a plea to my emotional side. There hardly is an emotional side to me. I guess this goes along with me lack of distrust, but I find that animal get a bigger response from my "soft side" than humans who are much closer to me. I guess it has someone to do with the innocence of an animal that makes it easier to empathize. I guess I feel that those who can, should solve their own problems, animals often cannot.

Here's the ironic double-standard. Contrary to the above, I find it difficult to correct my own character flaws. Maybe I don't want to, or I don't care to, or I just can't, but there have been many things that have proven themselves insurmountable obstacles in my life. Still they stand, boulders on a narrow path.

Those are just a few, but sometimes it feels good to commit those thoughts to text. I don't really care if someone sees me differently for them. Just because a person wears sunglasses, doesn't make the rays any less bright.